Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder

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The parent taking responsibility for the relationship; demonstrating daily that they want the child’s company. They do not wait to be invited in – they ask to join in. “The hunger in a child is eased by the parents seizing every possible opportunity to devote positive attention to the child precisely when the child has not demanded it.”

ADHD children often do not believe their parents want to spend time with them because there is an interruption in the parent-child attachment. I don’t think Maté goes so far as to argue that ADHD is definitively caused by “poor socialization or parenting,” as you put it. Perhaps I accidentally misrepresented his position in that regard. He doesn’t deny the potential role of biology/genetics here. Instead, I think he’s suggesting that socialization and parenting (primarily attachment dynamics) are major factors that can ameliorate and/or exacerbate ADHD when it presents in young people and adults. And since these are psychosocial factors over which we have more control compared to biology/genetics, I think that’s why he’s so focused on them. They’re not the only factors that matter, but when it comes to treatment they might be our strongest leverage points, especially for individuals and families who are not interested in using psychotropic medications. So Maté's book interested me. His thesis: genetics and childhood attachment both play a part in ADHD. Unless their parents (or primarycaregiverss) ask the child to spend time together when the child is not whining and pleading for time with the parent, children chalk up time spent together as something they received because they finally begged and pleaded enough.

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The third and final trait of ADD is hyperactivity. Unlike the previous two traits, hyperactivity isn’t ubiquitous. Yes, many people with ADD can’t sit still – they fidget, drum their fingers, chew their nails, tap their feet, or can’t stop talking. But often, it’s entirely absent. Many girls with ADD, for instance, frequently go undiagnosed because their behavior isn’t a source of disturbance in classrooms: they sit still and appear to be listening to what their teachers are saying. The problem only comes to light much later when baffled parents start wondering why their well-behaved daughters are doing so poorly in school. I especially enjoyed how explored the link between shame and ADD, his exploration of the phenomenology of childhood ("children swim the unconscious of their parents"), and his exploration of attention itself- he gets downright Wattsian at certain points. This is high praise.

Purposely inviting the child to spend time with one or both parents regularly can calm some of the child’s fears and lessen some separation anxiety most children have. I feel the book makes very big sweeping statements about the role of parenting and is very much bias towards a apportioning blame. The book is written as though it has case studies but they were not referenced. Much of the information seemed to be from Dr Mate's experience and so we are expected to believe that all of the cases of ADD/ADHD he sees have an parental issue as well as a genetic issue. As I told a friend, I believe ADHD will one day be banished and we'll learn, we all have different brains - which is a good thing. We won't work so hard to force everyone to conform - that's my hope for the future. Living with ADHD is what I describe to people as "beautifully abstract and creative." I grew up in a home with two solid parents who supported my creative brain and encouraged me to explore the world, through my eyes -not the eyes of society or that of the school system. I have learned over the years how to organize and adhere to a time schedule; I still lose my keys on a regular basis, but seriously, who doesn't. I have strong childhood memories and my family didn't move every year. As I said, I wasn't nor were my parents written into this book. Nor were many others who I know, who lived and grew up similar to me and have ADHD. At my next therapy session, my therapist asked if I had read the book and I said yes, and that it had resonated with me. She asked what resonated, and I said, "Well, if I do have ADD, it would explain my entire life. It would fill in all the blanks and areas that my history with depression and anxiety don't account for, that I always tried to make them fit into to explain something that didn't make sense." Something that didn't make sense because, without the missing piece of ADD, it quite literally couldn't make sense. Then we discussed why, etc, blah blah. At the end of the appointment I promised her I would talk to my physician about a diagnosis.ADD exists. I have it. It doesn't require medication but can sometimes benefit from it when skilfully applied. Its definitely a diagnosis that is being abused, like many in the DSM. He also gives readers a lot of hope that people with ADD can find peace and live wonderful lives. I've appreciated a slew of evidence-based recommendations for managing and healing my own ADD, and I had a breakthrough as a result of reading them; that's worth the price of admission alone. I haven't yet read the recommendations about children, but my guess is that there's equally helpful information about supporting a child with ADD.